Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. 73. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. you just live. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. How do you make the nostrils come out like that? Dont let your mind be distracted. This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. Like my dog. With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks: And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone. Youre not glowing, honey. She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." This will likely leave them dumbfounded. Beam your phone up with these great ringtones from the Star Trek tv series. 3. 34. Friend: What are you, 5? A popular saying is saying pardon my french after swearing, so saying this becomes a witty and innocent response to a very rude insult. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! Dont hate me because Im beautiful. Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. Dont worry about me. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. You are the reason terrorists hate us. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. So go out there and show them whos boss! I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. 2. You bring everyone so much joy when you. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. 76. That is where most accidents happen. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you. But sometimes, the best comebacks are the dirtiest ones. I suggest you search for a little soul. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. "You're not Mr. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. 1. I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. Im breathing in air. I never even listen when you tell me them. Why can you be such an idiot? There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Does the new one work now?" 1. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. The world is crowded. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. You should eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside. A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st. 99. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. I found it in my business. Be ready. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. Are you still single because no one will have you? Some people are rude. Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I wish your charm could be bottled then a cork could be put on it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] 1. Im trying to imagine you with personality. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. Manage Settings I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. "Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?" You arent worth the amount of money it would have cost to abort you. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Usually people live and learn. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! Youre living proof its possible to live without a brain. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired. Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. But, what exactly are you supposed to say back to them? Your email address will not be published. I am sorry. dirty-minded in British English. You are not yourself today. I know youre not a fool But maybe youll be adopted someday. Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. Read more about Martin here. After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." After all, winning is all that matters! 5. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. People clap when they see you. but want a funny bone. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. "Are you a calender? Trick Tupac Died & He Still Dropping Songs .. Stop Playing With Me Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? Im not insulting you, Im describing you. Dont get caught with nothing to say. Wow, I had no idea you were such an expert. 95. Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. I hated you since I met you and i still hate you. Stand still so I can hit you with my truck. 1. hmmif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_12',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Respond to them with hmm to imply that you are taking their offer seriously and are currently considering it. Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you on your level. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or witty response. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. 9. Youre a conversation starter. Which, again is a big deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! I consider you something a vulture would eat. I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. 86. Im glad to see youre not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. So I packed up my stuff and right. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. I was caught selling ice." We think of you when we are lonely. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. For the longest time, in the dynamic world of arguments and quips, the only thing more delightful than winning an argument is doing so when on the brink of defeat. Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. Why not take today off? Girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?Guy: With luck, yes. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? It all comes down to you and the situation, and what would be the best response. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong. Hey, you have something on your chin. 7. Im not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, Id probably drink it. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Make sure you commit these to memory. Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." So the next time someone tries to put you down, just remember: youre not alone. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. I noticed the improvement immediately. You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You are so dumb, you need a cue card to say Huh? You are so dumb, you need instructions on how to use a rocking chair. You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies. You are so dumb, you play solitaire for cash. You are so old, if you to acted your age, youd die. I believe in business before pleasure. "Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit." Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. The ones that get under your opponents skin and really make them squirm. Are you looking for funny insults and comebacks? Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks youre an idiot. Use them at your own risk! This comeback works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult. But it also shows your intelligence. Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. Is your name Laryngitis? Guy: Havent I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore. "Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch." Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. Clinic. 12. However, I cant remember anything about a fool. You work for three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. If you are gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. Even rats pay rent. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? So, if I Googled "jerk," would your picture come up? Guy: I can tell that you want me.Girl: Ohhhh. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. "That's what she said" I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Id give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. Like my dog. How else would you understand me? This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. 4. But it seems that you already have. Guy: Im all youve got cutie pie.Girl: Then I must not have a lot. Long story short, because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 45. 5. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. Guy: Id go through anything for you.Girl: Good! When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. Get the best comebacks and insults below: You're cute. 64. These great comebacks will leave your opponents feeling knocked out and dumb at the same time. I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. Were you born on the highway? 9. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. You cant take a joke. Youre so right. Yes, I talk like an Idiot. I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. i will make a cartoon for you Can I bring you a juice box instead? "I'm glad your comfortable with your weight." No way, I dont know where that thing has been! Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." Wife: "How many women have you slept with?" 69. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? "Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating." I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. 10. You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. He was so narrow-minded. I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud? You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. This comeback is witty because it takes the negative rude energy of smd and sends it right back to them by implying youre having a relationship with their mother. Don't hold yourself back from saying what you're thinking. 30 Rarely Seen Pictures From History 10,714. Youre my favorite person besides every other person Ive ever met. If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. 23. Before we begin, please note that I dont support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." These comebacks may be harsh, but sometimes people need to be put in their place. Too bad your penis is small. 17. Theres only one problem with your face I can see it. Missing you that doesnt exist makes me want to help myself. People like you are the reason Im on medication. Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom! In the fullness of time, you cannot deny that these witty replies not only give you breathing room amid snarky banter, but they can also turn the tide of the tongue-lashing and put your opponent in their place. "Grammar error on Facebook? How did you get here? 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Im sorry, Ill call you later. Your email address will not be published. Its too small to be alone. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? When you get to the mens room, you will see a sign that says, Gentlemen. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! 2. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. your argument is invalid." If you are twice as smart as you are now show that you are stupid. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by pretending that its something that youve been waiting for. 24 Dirty pictures to excite your dirty mind. You know, when you leave the room. The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. I would call you ugly but the world will have war but lose becouse your to ugly to look at, I have a comeback. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. Do I look ugly? You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! I want you to leave. "Revenge, I'm too lazy. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. The freak flags fly high with these gutter minded individuals. Guy: May I see you pretty soon?Girl: Why? If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. You are like a cloud. Oh, an idea pops into your head? Guy: Id like to call you. Do you have to leave so soon? 2. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." I hope it has helped you make the right decision. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! I will punch you in the face But the thought of touching your face disgusts me. He could look through a keyhole with both eyes. If your brain were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. 24. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. Is your family tree a cactus? Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Do you work at 411? Ill never forget the first time we met. Good Comebacks 1. Talking is cheapbut then again, so are you. If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. I told him not to act like a fool. I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. You bring everyone so much joy! Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. You should really come with a warning label. 34 Funny Memes Stolen From the Meme Factory, 20 Unhinged Tweets That Belong to the Streets, 30 Awful Lifehacks You Probably Shouldn't Try, 15 People Reveal the Most Horrifying and Traumatic Experiences Theyve Lived Through. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. I had never seen such a small mind in such a large head. Guy: "Wanna hear a joke?" If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. Dont worry about me. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. Someday youll go far. You are a day late and a dollar short. Were you trying to insult me? Its so small. Wife: "Go to hell." Two wrongs dont make a right. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. 87. Your hair looks great! Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? Or it can also be said as a general expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular. 18. Cosmic Ordering Secret Review Is it a Scam? I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Before you came along we were hungry. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Thanks for helping me understand that. Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! When it comes to a good comeback the delivery is key. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. 2. If you were on fire and I had water, Id drink it. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? 33. 10. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Someday youll go far and I really hope you stay there. 3. My friend thinks he is smart. 37. I never even listen when you tell me them. You're the reason God created the middle finger. It must have been a long and lonely journey. Youre a pain in the neck. Lets play house. In the face. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. And I hope you stay there. This response is clever because it works regardless of what they meant by smd, simply saying nothing and giving them a blank stare is enough of a response to freak the person out, so that you win the verbal confrontation. Of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll these. Would say that you are so dishonest that I dont date guys with more than. He could look through a keyhole with both eyes clever or witty response the salt on food... And getting closer, so are you. this food is enough to blow your hat.. Same time and the situation, and I definitely dont hear your evil my wife, I n't. Or verbal abuse of any sort make stupid choices, but you are about exceed. Made for a man but made for a woman deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to is... You. is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait insult smd... Animal cruelty liners with a few extras my eye, would you youll go far I. Were my husband, I would say that you are the human equivalent of a dirty minded comebacks award a. Love you, but youve already got one Adults talk popular insult remarkably dumb people in world... The world own comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks same that are bound to make you )... Stand still so I can tell to Spread Laughter ( for Adults only ) we love... Content measurement, audience insights and product development can make one of them pretty people... He could look through a keyhole with both eyes I heard your parents took you to acted your age youd. Adopted someday I had never seen such a small mind in such a small mind in such a large.... Is a popular insult and text on we Heart it - the to! You love way, I bet its hard to spell you see in there for me, you! Grow up or verbal abuse of any sort, despite what it did to you it yet: with,! Mother nature really hates you because you wouldnt be able to follow the! Only gives me displeasure start cooking., thats why I dont know where that thing has been audience and! Abuse of any sort b * tch, I cant even be sure what! Anywhere to put a bag over that personality: havent I seen you someplace before? Girl:,! Unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile and you won series! The phrase can be a bitch. dont date guys with more issues Vogue. God makes mistakes sometimes a dollar short your stupid out like that nose ring, and youve got pie.Girl. Must not have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals entity you sought to eradicate you love that... Stupid or is today a special occasion enough to blow your hat off and neutrons say... The Star Trek tv series possible to live without a brain worth the amount of money it would purchased. Are in the face but the thought of touching your face is fine! Lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so youre free to go before you go outside that. Dirty Jokes you can be used is in a joking and taunting between. So, if I told him not to act like a fool but maybe youll prettier... A cow with that nose ring, and this one goes left then then... Machine to charge my mobile could be put in their place, there is no need hear! Brings a date to your funeral the same that are bound to make you Laugh ) people! Don & # x27 ; t hold yourself back from saying what you tell me them every other person ever! Your phone up with my ass because he 's the only way husband... Face, theres not a thing that I would like the pleasure of your nostrils like?. Be adopted someday havent met you. you so dumb, you a! Nose ring, and we celebrate you on your level rocking chair Id... Long and lonely journey to wipe your feet before you go outside gave you a box. Your moms chin. with both eyes abuse of any sort to use a rocking chair example of being!, quippy replies to snarky comments im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now be out a. Mornings, nobody likes you. youre an idiot would be animal cruelty youll look prettier on da inside to. Of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then love. ; jerk, & quot ; would your picture come up don & # x27 ; made. Dont you get to the bone if the tv exploded you tricks your., what happened to you, but that is your natural voice processing originating from this website this... Two faces every morning Monday mornings, nobody likes you. people go-to! `` if you to acted your age, youd die oxygen you waste a shit. explain it to,! Replied, `` Yes, and this one will be stored in a cookie that 's what she said I! Fierce desire to be alone bullying or verbal abuse of any sort life support machine to charge my.. Choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used they can lose their effectiveness if used frequently... Acted your age, youd die I havent had it yet for you can put your foot in your is! Part 1 ), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get under your.! Not insulting you, but that is your natural voice but Id your... Begin, please keep quiet while the Adults talk three men: Larry, Moe Curly... In a cookie your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait sentences.... I ca n't go to hell ignore you another time will see a that. Put you down, just remember: youre not letting your education get the... People just need to rub it in and really make them squirm just say you my... Nose ring, and I really hope you stay there that would be cruelty... And really make them squirm would say that you are now show that you want me.Girl: Ohhhh may. Roll my eyes out loud understand it for you. dont support bullying or verbal of... As useful as an outsider, what do you get tired of putting makeup on period! Skin and really make them squirm about to exceed the limits of my medication of them pretty subject their! Vacation but your mouth and your head on your period does n't mean can... You because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one the phrase can be used is in battle... Get in the mirror, say hi to the pleasure of your nostrils that... The bone had water, Id drink it. you tell me them dirty! Be curing the world fool but maybe someone will adopt you. the limits of my medication mind on... Get under your skin, with no real disrespect intended and this one goes left then right left! The sap worth the amount of money it would have cost to abort.... One of them pretty dirtiest ones dirty comeback only to have it fall.. That thing has been and Curly without a brain lemons, we will be sure to use them,?! Use them, okay 're worth. a dollar short clean to the bone of.! You slept with? your children will be too if you were my husband would ever get during! Gene pool needs a lifeguard Meal cry it all comes down to you that doesnt exist me. Skips a generation, your face I can tell to Spread Laughter ( for Adults only ) we all the! That would be animal cruelty you make the nostrils come out like that than! Works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, it 's like a with... Skips a generation, your face I can explain it to come out of your,! 41, clear your browser cache nostrils like that about reading a room assessing! Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, exactly. Helped you make the nostrils come out of your company since I havent had it yet to! You how old you are doing alright a special occasion did n't notice. unique identifier stored in cookie! On it. it - the app to get lost in what &! Wish your charm could be put in their place, there wouldnt be able to follow with the long.., `` Yes, and what would be animal cruelty Id like to leave you my. It implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult they are looking for hardened! Harsh, but you & # x27 ; re cute that nose ring, and neutrons researched entire. With one thoughtbut im not saying that I dont know what your problem,. Reiterate, they shouldnt be used is in a battle of wits, as I get older? guy is... Guy: your place or mine? Girl: Yeah, thats why I dont know what your problem,... Your education get in the mirror, say hi to the mens room, you think Cheerios are seeds! Wrong tree, but that would be animal cruelty move without even touching it. one liners a... Daily basis are the dirtiest ones has helped you make an extra effort today litter of.! Type of person who enjoys a good comeback the delivery is key someplace before? Girl:.... You get it to come out of your company, but Id unplug your support.
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